Procrastination  and me. I don't know how I've managed to come this far

 

Thursday 12/08

That's one exam out of my system.  

So after this exam, I went upstairs in the student clinic to get a treatment for my shoulder. After three years, I still have residual pains from it.

Back story:

 

Me in green, being lifted for a lineup. Easily one of the proudest moment of my young life. 

Back in 0'8, during a rugby game, I fell on my side and someone from the opposing team had sat on me. Yeahp, painful. I haven't really gotten better ever since. Largely because I am extremely lazy and not pro active at all. 

 

I regress...

Excuse me while I go on a very irrelevant, very superficial and very embarrassing tangent.

Aside from being bitter about life, and deeply contemplating my short comings and ineptitude, on my spare time, I like to admire very attractive men.

And my current school just happen to have a chock-full of them. Maybe because I'm a very plain, below average Asian, but I just really find Caucasian very...different. 

With that said, my intern-student for that day just happened to be one of the many men I find ridiculously good looking. Admittedly, I have been very busy admiring his friend for the past year, that  I have not been able to-- internally and creepily-- pay said intern the attention his good looks warrants. 

 

Have you ever encounter someone so blessed with good looks that you find them intimidating? 
Well that's how it was for me with his friend. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I find this man ridiculously good looking that he makes me weep. Literally. My diminutive brain just can not fathom how a single individual could possess so much physically appeasing qualities. It's depressing really 

 

So then, I got my treatment from said intern. It was below satisfactory, and I was quite disappointed. What slightly made up for it though, is his obvious charm and interpersonal skills. Within the hour of my treatment, in jest, we managed to lightheartedly talk about culture --generalizations and stereotypes in general-- as well as school, family, pets and relationships. 

Within these conversations, I managed to find out details about him THAT HE'D SHARED!. (Yes, that probably sound very defensive. Only because I tend to do that creepy-restraining-order-warranting- thing where I somehow manage to come across personal information of people that do not know me in any level) 

Some would call that stalking, I call it being resourceful . 

I'd make a pretty decent P.I 

During our effervescent banter however, something he'd said stuck in my head that got me contemplating about the meaning of my life. 

I tend to do this thing where I over analyse minute occurrence in my life. Especially one that is -and has been- reoccurring.

See, I'm 20 years old and I'm single. In fact I have never dated. For some reason, both family and family friends alike feel the need to question this, and on my part, I really can't help but feel awkward as I do not know how to respond  at all. It's not by choice mind you, but it's just way easier to answer with "I'm focusing on my school work". 

Am I sounding pathetic yet?

I can sit here, in front of my computer screen all day listing out reasons why I'm single, running into the risk of sounding perpetually lonely and insecure, when the fact of the matter is, at the end of the day, I honestly don't give two shits that I have not had any form of any sort of romantic relationship. So instead of listing out my insecurities for the whole world -or at least for the less than one handful of my friends that read this private blog- to see, I shall list the reasons why I'm single and why I like it. 

1) I'm happy

There, end of list. I might bitch about my life, but with all of my irrelevancies, I'm happy and I'm more than grateful for everything that I have and for everything that I am. Yes,  I'm still very much insecure, but for the most part, I don't let those insecurities get to me. Actually, I like the term self aware better than insecurities. I am self aware, I know  that I am nowhere near gorgeous/pretty/beautiful/cute/sexy material. And I am completely  okay with that. My reasoning being, could be liken to the same reasoning I use for exams that have passed. It's done, and there is nothing I can do about it (short of plastic surgery anyway)

 

Moving on, I've shared way too much about myself.

 

Friday 12/09

Afternoon exam. I passed but barely. Apparently, the instructor wasn't very pleased especially with the 4 people who received bare minimum grades and she is coming after them next term. AH! I just happened to be one of the 4! 

 

FML! big time! 

 

This will probably do me good, but being isolated by a form of authority is very intimidating to say the least. 

After seeing the result, I headed to Boston Pizza to meet a few of my classmates for a almost-end-of-the-semester-get-together. It was slightly awkward and uncomfortable for me, especially since my end of the table was very quiet, what conversations we had, only revolved around small talks with regards to school.

 

I loathe small, filler conversations. I really don't handle awkwardness well. But hey, at least I am making an effort to expand my social skills pass my computer and cellphone screen right?  

Eventually, MF joined me once I got home with the intention to study. I don't know how much she got done, but I basically watched my current Asian drama and slept. Around the early morning though, we had the impulse to go out and try The Naam which is basically a quaint and relax 24/7 vegetarian friendly restaurant that was suggested to me a while back by a classmate. We called up CB and LG, an hour later, to Kitsilano we go. 

 

Aside from the occasional salad, this is the first ever vegetarian meal I've ever had, and I must say, I quite enjoyed it. 

Maui Maui burger and Chai tea shake

Appricot (white) and Hemp (chocolate) balls. 

We eventually headed back to my place at 4 AM.

Over all, a good day it was

 

-Elle Are Emm

 

My Wednesday practicum instructor has been playing Christmas songs since December started. I'm feeling oddly festive.]

 

Sunday 12/4

Got around to studying after I finished blogging on Sunday.

CB and LG was there to accompany me. However, I was eventually left to my won vices when they decided to use the spare room to sleep. Admittedly, I spent a good portion of the evening on CB's account on Tumblr. Though, I realized that our downstairs is quiet and isolated enough that I could actually get some work done at home so long as I stay away from my bedroom. Hmmnn,  no wonder when Father was still here, he would review downstairs.

So, the next day, I'd made an official announcement that my house is open to all those looking for a spot to study. Due to the fact that we do have spare bedrooms, people can sleep over if they so choose. I think its perfect, in the past, I was never able to offer up my house since our own residence was such a cramped space, but now that we have extra rooms and such, I don't see why not. 

Oh yeah, Kuya also came home late that evening more than slightly tipsy. He was on the couch but he eventually ended up on the floor. 

Since my first final for the semester was to be on Tuesday, and I haven't gotten much studying done, I really had no choice but to pull an all nighter. Life of a student right? Though by the time midnight rolled around, I was getting really sleepy so I went ahead and took baby out on a walk to get some fresh air. 

I hadn't really realize how late and how cold it was getting. As soon as the chilly near-winter air hit me, I was instantaneously awake.It was such a peaceful and bright night, and though mother had explicitly disallowed me to go on a far walk, I decided walking up and down the block wouldn't hurt. Halfway through our walk though, I suddenly became paranoid when a very nondescript van passed me by and stopped a couple of meters away. No one had stepped out, and it was parked with its engine running on the side of my street. By this time, alarms and irrational, very dramatic scenarios were playing in my head in rapid sequence. I knew that it was just my imagination, but I would rather listen to my gut than be abducted, drugged into oblivion, be carried away into Asia through various forms of very uncomfortable transportation and be sold into prostitution. 

What did I say? Irrational.

 

Though the van did drive away when I started to walk back so hmmnnnn..

All joking aside,  the fact that I am nowhere near attractive enough to make a very profitable prostitute is quite reassuring. 

Monday 12/05

LAST MONDAY PRACTICUM SHIFT! for the semester that is! That's me with the pink mask cam whoring in the washroom. I quite enjoy my last Monday rotation, it was relatively easy -albeit just as busy- and my shift mate was really sweet and we just worked really well together. 

 

She even included me on her coffee run! 

Of course, being a typical post secondary student that I am, I used all the last minute time that I had to study. I had about 2 hours of sleep nap. And even with that, I still felt guilty

 

Tuesday 12/06

Big Sister was fueling me with sweets that day. She knew I wouldn't get enough sleep. It was quite embarrassing really, during a filmed demonstration, I just happened to be in the correct angle of the camera, and even with hard, concentrated effort, you could still see me nodding off in the background. My instructor even called me out on it! 

I REALLY REALLY REALLY dislike that feeling! When you're just so tired that you loose control of yourself and you can't help but fall asleep! 

 And of course, with my luck, better yet the lack thereof, on a very stressful day with little to no sleep,  I'd managed to break my glasses. If this isn't bad enough, my spare glasses broke months ago. I notice this happens to me often that it's starting to become a trend; I break my back-ups and sooner or later my main item goes into disarray as well! 

To get through the day, I resolved to wear the only pair of contact lens that I have, which may or may not have been expired. In the evening though, it was irritating my eyes so much that I threw them out and tapped my glasses into a mock functional form.

I would like to think that my exam went well. I don't know though, it's almost guaranteed that whenever I find a written exam easy enough, I tend to not do well on them. Also, I was disarmingly calm before and during my practical exam! I don't know if I'm finally adapting to oral examinations, or if I'd just reach the point of not caring! I really, really hope it's the former.

Though tired I was, I opted to go to the mall with mother. There, I got various things fix, starting with that expensive leather jacket that she got me (the buttons were falling off) and the spare and main glasses (only the spare were fixable). Surprisingly, we also went window shopping.

Can I just say that I'm proud of my momma for finally taking the time to take care of herself? I love her for working so hard that she completely disregarded her own needs. No one asked her to, but she just never saw herself as a priority starting the day she had her own family. I was never embarrassed about her outer appearance; sure she may not be the most stylish mom but it's because she never had the time to. She never had the time to because of us. So now that she's finally purchasing things for her own enjoyment, I love her even more.

I love her, but I completely hate her choices! The woman just does not know how to dress her age! It's not to say that she is wearing skimpy clothing. No, far from that. But I think her choices are stuck on the time when she was still taking interest in fashion, this was when she was in her 20's! But since I love her, I try to keep the criticism down to a minimum. Well until the day I can save up and take her out on a real shopping spree.   

  

Wednesday 12/07 

LAST  Wednesday practicum shift and last ever shift for this semester!  

 

I very much enjoyed this rotation, largely because of the very sweet patients I've had, but mainly because of the amazing instructor that was supervising the shift. She inspires me, I can only hope to be have a fraction of her knowledge one day. 

Oh yeah, a patient bought a big pack of these babies to share among us. I couldn't help it, but I probably ate most of the Ferrero! 

 

 

-Elle Are Emm 

 

and it's due to school. What else right? I really would like to go into more details with regards to this bouts of anxiety but I won't just yet. I have to finish with this semester first, then I may or may not get back to you on that. 

 

Sunday 11/27

Wings  dinner with LG, MF, CB, JB, DP

 

Caesar, probably my favourite alcoholic mix

Cookie dough with ice cream for dessert. That shii was hot!

 

Lots of laugh as usual, I'd attribute it to a alcohol but it's just always fun spending time with friends. Random conversations and childhood anecdotes are always fun to hear!

Monday 11/28

Second to last Monday shift for the semester! YES! Super late evenings in school + broke college student equates to this...

for dinner! Super cheap and greasy pizza FTW! 

It's exactly what you think it is...

That piece of cloth  was right on the table in the student area in our clinic. My class/shift mate was tidying up for the night when she got curious and picked up this rectangular folded piece of cloth, shook it so that she's holding it up in front of her face whilst trying to decipher what it was. As soon as she shook it out of its fold, I realize right away what it was, it took her a good few seconds though.

THE LOOK ON HER FACE. Priceless. 

Goes to show why people shouldn't just randomly pick things up.

Tuesday 11/29

I could hardly wrap my head around the idea that I have been attending my school enough to witness 3 different transition of the restaurant right in front of my school. It went from a super cheap but questionable Chinese restaurant, to a very sophisticated Thai restaurant, and now to a Vietnamese restaurant. 

 

I suddenly had a huge craving for Summer Rolls. Gluttony strikes again when I ordered way too much, and it wasn't even as good as I'd anticipated. Serves me right.

 

 

Also, Kuya  came back on the weekend from his two night stay in the states. He was excited to show what he got for me but he'd accidentally left it with his friend's stuff. He was finally able to retrieve it and boy, was he excited!

He's going through this weird phase were he somehow find cheesy slogans very amusing. He was so happy and he thought himself clever for getting me this shirt in particular so I had to wear it. Surprisingly, I got one-too-many comment of approval from peers and teachers alike when I wore it the following day 

Wednesday 11/30

My online orders from a month and a few weeks ago are finally arriving in the mail! Packages always make me happy!  

I buy the most irrelevant things online! I think its even worst than actually stepping in a mall because charging everything to my Visa is so much easier when its only mere clicks away. Anyway, this is -one of my- new sexy pens! I don't have the best penmanship, now am I very articulate but I like to pretend anyway. I also have a fixation to stationery, pens in particular. One of these days, I shall post my pen collection when it's big and decent enough. 

This day is also the second to last Wednesday practicum shift for the term. Even with that in mind, I still abhor it! Its not much the practicum itself that I find despicable, I actually really enjoy it, especially because my supervising instructor is just astonishing  not to mention very inspiring, its more of the fact that it ends late and I have a very early morning class the next day that I find detestable. Sure, at worst I get home at 10 pm. Plenty of time to get to bed for a relatively restful evening right? But by the time I get home, adrenaline is still coursing through my system keeping me awake so that I could not, for the life of me, settle down for the night *le sigh 

 

Thursday 12/01

DECEMBER already? What is this?

Well at least the school knew just how to be festive and assuage the finals week, all time high stressed aura, blanketing the school by throwing a Holiday decoration festivity which composed of decorating the school with Christmas lights, putting up a Christmas tree and my personal favourite, handing out treats and eggnogs

 

This was only the "treats table" downstairs, there were more upstairs!

Also, the same class/shit mate I have on Wednesdays, being the sweetheart that she is, handed me this piece of delectable snack. Way back in October, when we had the same shift, I'd given her an unnecessary permission to leave and had jokingly said that as long as she would bring me a Bueno then we'll call it even. She had just remembered last week and had frantically searched different stores for them. Poor woman!

Friday 12/02

Was not a good day. I could just feel PMS coming on in the form of severely, uncalled for,  aggressive inward thoughts, towards absolutely  anyone and everyone. I was venting through text messages and it sure kept my friends amused though. Luckily, it was a sort of symbiotic relationship, because the more I vented through text, the more they were amused and the more I realized how ridiculous I was being. By the time the class ended, I managed to feel better and calm enough, to then subsequently wait for my friends to finish what they have for the evening and accompany me for some pink sushi! That's right! PINK. 

 

I'd thought the five hour wait I had to do was going to take forever,  luckily, 2 hours in my wait, DP came and accompanied me in school. I LOVE  that woman, she's just super quirky, bubbly, random and childish but serious at the same time. Our conversation was/ always are so erratic.  We had such in-depth conversation regarding life, literature, relationships, friendships etc.

 

SUSHI TIME! ( DP, LG, CB, JB, NG,)

 

Some sort of egg appetizer

The sushi doesn't look that pink in the photograph, but IT IS! 

Ice cream tempura > deep fried ice cream!

DP, she was our very own Japanese woman of the night. 

Mr Snowman wearing the Sorting Hat.

After dinner, we swung by Mac's for some DIY smoothie/milkshake...

 

then we headed to the Babilonia's residence, where we stayed until 4 AM doing what it is that we do when we are there. 

 

Saturday 12/03

I had meant to spend the day in the public library studying for my finals, Mother even lend me her van so that I could drive myself after I dropped her off at work. But of course it didn't happen. Instead, the most used I got out of the vehicle and fetching myself and the baby brother dinner. Though, CB and LG are downstairs hard at work as I blog. 

 

Off to pick up le Mother, then study mode on finally!

 

 

-Elle Are Emm

Testing technology and blogging from my phone.  It sure as hell gotten far 

Woke upat one a.m feeling parched, couldn't get back to sleep since so I watched a movie and for the hell of it, I decided it was high time i clear out my inbox and sort through 4k of emails. Things to note:

1. I email myself too much

2. I have so many useless subscription

That is all. Good night

 

-Elle Are Emm

But then again, "normalcy" may just be one of the most subjective word in the dictionary. 

Another very irrelevant week. 

Note to self: Make it a hobby to take at least one picture of the day. 

Seriously, I'm afraid that my life is fading into irrelevance. That's the main purpose of blogging regularly, really. The only reassurance that I have, is that there are 7 billion people in this world, I can't be the only one with this fear. So basically, telling myself that I'm in no shape or form important or special, is reassuring.

 

Monday 11.21

Bonding with Father. We both had to visit the doctor for reasons. I hadn't realize how old my Father-- both of my parents for that matter-- until the moment when I sat in the hospital room with him and listened to his various aches and pains. 

 

May God watch them both always. 

 

My Father is undoubtedly the most stand up man I've ever and will ever know. Words can't express my admiration for this man. I'd made a promise to myself that I will not settle for anything less for a life long partner if they don't measure up to him. Not only am I doing this for myself, but it's also to honour my loving Father.

 

Tuesday 11.22

Wings and Chesse cake at the Heritage Grill with MF. 

Sure, New Westminster is probably not the most developed city in B.C, but I wouldn't mind leaving there. In fact, it's been a second home to me for almost three years. 

 

Wednesday 11.23

Another late day. I just felt out of it and not really up to giving the evening of practicum my best. It worried me for a while. 

"What would I do if this was real life, and these were paying patients?"

And then I reassured myself by saying that it's impossible to be 100% everyday. It also helped that to some extent, I was forced by obligation to learning to be there. 

 

Thursday 11.24

 School. Can remember little else. 

 

Friday 11.25

Business project presentation. I like dressing up in formal attire; it makes me feel grown up. What's uncomfortable though, is the surprise on people's face when they see me. For instance, I dropped by worked that evening to pick up my check and to choose a name from a hat for our Secret Santa. I guess they're just not used to seeing me in a non-scrubbed outfit. But then again, I don't think anyone is used to seeing me looking like a person, much less a girl.

Wish list

 

I actual don't wish for anything in particular. Life is good, and I'm happy. Though, for the sake of my person's peace of mind, I did jot down a few things to choose from, they're all book related. 

Side note: I had the misfortune of picking the owner and main dentist. Funny, since last year, I'd gotten the other dentist. He was easy to shop for; think 8 year old. No lie, he's a big toddler! Book smart, but very little else. 

Now, what do you give a person who probably -easily- make millions of dollars a year? 

Went home for a little while, then picked up MF for an evening of feast!

 

DONAIR! I DE-VOW-ERED  that issh in .5 seconds FLAT! I remember having this having a couple of times a week. I've been going to this shop for years and I've been having the same thing since! To the point that the owner knows exactly  what to make for me without asking. Too bad we've moved to the other side of the town. 

 

Also, we couldn't just leave without having a DIY milkshake from next door! Maybe it's from the fact that unlike Calgary, we don't have a proper milkshake joint, but these things are super delicious and passable enough. 

Earlier that evening, we received an invitation from CB to come over because it was their dad's birthday. 

Where there's food, I shall follow.

I know I just ate at this point, but I am very much known for being guilty of gluttony. 

MF and I were eventually left in their house to fend for ourselves while the other kids purchase a t.v. We took the time to search up potential Christmas party venue. I'm very hesitant due to the general lack of restraint with alcohol involve. To be honest, I'd be happy with a low key party, but I don't think that's what people have in mind. 

What is the point of this?

 

When the t.v was finally set up, and a few of their friends arrived, we settled in and re watched Easy A upon my persistence request. I ended up asleep though, and woke up half way through the movie. 

 

Saturday 11.26

Originally, we had planned on go kart today, but I didn't wake up until 2PM so that didn't happen. I proposed to go have some fish and chips, but people already planned to go crazy tonight. Instead, I spent the day doing nothing, failing at a simple, basic crossword and....

 

...making sure that there are actually 500 pieces of rhinestone in each bag. There are. And that was the most exciting event of the day. Funny thing is, I'd rather be doing this any day that hit up a club. I'm secretly a 60 year old in a 20 year old body. 

 

--Elle Are Emm

Lazy Sundays?

More like, lazy all day everyday

 

Daddy's home and settling in. This  house is finally a home again. I don't really know what I expect every time he comes back, but I feel as though there should be some adjustments occurring. Though life just go on as if he is just coming home from a long shift at work. Why does that surprise me? He's been my father my whole life (duh!) and I've lived with him for all of it. 

 

After lazying about the whole day, I decided to drop off the promised cake to KR. Then I headed to church all by my lonesome since Father and Baby Bill was out having a driving session and Mother was busy cooking for a late celebration of my birthday. 

 

Mine: Grande chainog JW: Tall peppermint mocha

Before heading home though, I stopped at Starbucks to briefly meet JW. It's funny because I had somewhat meant to share to someone my brief bouts of depression. I had wanted to explain myself and talked it out. It actually doesn't matter to me anymore; I know I was just being dramatic and unreasonable, but for once, I just wanted to be the one being listened too.  

All that notion was brushed aside as soon as we sat down with our respective hot beverage. You see, unlike me, she actually has real life issues. I remember sharing with her a slight dilemma I had once, she looked at me, smiled as said "You're problem is so simple, I wish mine were like yours". I wasn't offended at all, she didn't mean to be belittling because it's true. All my "problems" --thus far-- have been very inconsequential on the grand scheme of things. Some may say that I don't live life, it's true, but at least I don't suffer from headaches and stress like some. 

I headed home about an hour and a half after, though I would have liked to stay a little longer, I was getting a persistent phone calls from both le parents because the food was getting cold. 

 

That awkward moment when people sing happy birthday to you and you don't know what to do. 

 

Mother's been asking me if I was going to have people over so that she can prepare accordingly. Its not that I'm trying to isolate myself, but I just wanted the big 2-0 to be marked in a somber manner (in my head that is), frankly, I'm not in the mood for festivities and celebration. Big changes are going to occur and I can feel it to the core of my being. It's as though, overnight, I had the chance to live a carefree, devil-may-care life, and had missed it, to having to be responsible and carry the weight of the world in my shoulder the next day.  

I know, I'm only 20. Maybe I'm being hard on myself, but I just feel like a complete failure right now. The ironic thing though, is that I'm content with it. I think that's whats  making me want to pack up and go to a place unknown had I the means to. For the longest time, I always had this feeling very comparable to Hollywood scenes where one person is standing stagnant in the middle of a bustling street as everyone passes by. That's me. I'm that person. I'm not going anywhere. 

 

*sigh* what the hell is wrong with me?

 

--Elle Are Emm

A considerably beautiful day considering it is that time of the year again when the weather transitions from Autumn to Winter.

What better way to spend a gorgeous Saturday afternoon other than catching up with a good friend you haven't seen in a while.

I have been informed prior, by older ates and kuyas, but I never thought the day would come when the people you are used to seeing everyday in school would be reduced to, occasional get together or none at all. When the latter occurs, it happens subtly, and one does not even recognize the extent of disconnection between you and the other individual until that random day you bumped into each other. This subsequently lead into three basic circumstances: A) small talks B) reconciliation or the very likely option; C) you ignore each other. The last one is sad.

Funny that, because the other day, I was just thinking of the first girl I befriended when I came to school here. I think the foundation of our friendship was built upon the fact that we were both ESL students at the time. For the first time since ever, I realized that I had left her and traded her for new friends. I feel sincere sadness and deep regret as I blog this. True, we probably would have separated ways comes high school, as we obviously did. She found her own click and I found mine. However, I still feel that my actions were unreasonable. I wonder how my life would have been different had I stayed friends with her. 

 

 *sigh

 

Back to my day then...

 

Truth be told, I was slightly  hesitant to hang out with KR. I don't really know how to put it in words, but our friendship just happened. We virtually have nothing in common, and this might sound very high school but she was one of those girls that are sociable. And I'm not talking about "popularity" per se, but its something along those lines. Other than the fact that we went on a Europe Trip back in our senior year, I don't really know what keeps her being friends with me since I don't remember being a very entertaining companion. And I don't think it's because she would have lacked company the 2 weeks we were away, we had other peers there whom she was clearly friends with. 

But for the entire duration, she never once left me. If anything she had integrated me with other people. For that, I will always be grateful. 

The thing is I've always been that girl who socialize better with adults (ie: parents). I wasn't counted as "one of the boys" because I was virtually a boy with a vagina and very questionable chest size. Though for the most part, I did "hang out" with a group full of people in the same ethnic group, I was unidentifiable in the way that I did not fit into any cliche high school groups/persona etc.  I don't really know where this is going, but my point is that I lack social skills, and today, I very much had a slight fear that the day was going to be spent in an awkward silence. I actually wouldn't have been surprised, nor would I have held it against her had she cancelled with some lame excuse. Seems like a common enough occurrence nowadays anyway. I would have excused her because those people who frequently make plans and cancels are actually closer friends of mine.

But I suck it up and I'm really glad I did.

First, we had lunch at Okinomi. A very decent and affordable sushi place near my school. I had warned KR that for the price, the servings are massive. We still went on and ordered two separate meals to plough through. We spent a good 1.5 trying to finish because we hadn't wanted to carry left overs, then I realized that my bag was big enough, or else we would have spent the entire evening there. 

What follows, as promised, was FONDUE! Neither of us have had fondue other than parties. True, we hardly any space for dessert but since this was what we set out for, and it was still relatively early, we had to go on with it. 

Fondue chocolate with tea

I rarely waste food, especially one that I pay for, but within the first few bites, we knew we were done for. We probably would have enjoyed the experience better than we had --and we enjoyed it a lot-  had we not been as full. In the end, we left a few left overs.

The evening ended relatively early. I had wanted to be home in time to greet daddy's arrival back home.

He's home now and I have my Tuxedo cake. 

Life's good

 

-Elle Are Emm

It's a Friday, and it's my birthday. No one's home. Father is in another province working, mother is at work, kuya is working out and baby brother is probably partying. The longest conversation I had today is with the ear piercer and the stranger lining up behind me for the bus. Skinny white chick with big tits borrowed the shirt off my back and she looked fucking tiny in it. I spent the whole day by myself wandering around.Literally only less than two handfuls of people remembered it was my birthday and UGH!. 

You know you're going to dislike your birthday when even the staff of the establishments that you're redeeming your free gifts from just brush off the fact that it's supposedly a day of celebration for you.

 

I'm just going to drink my misery away. I'm really  not a fan of this day. Truth be told, it doesn't matter if all 7billion of the earth's population wished you a "happy birthday"  because none of them will mean it. It matters not to them how you spent or feel that day. It affects them not. 

 

Words have lost its meaning. 

 

Give me a moment to step out of my soap box and ungrateful/bitterness. "What is, is"  right? I may not have a particular liking to this specific day, but I should at least make the best of it. 

Fine *sigh* I will find my own silver lining and view this situation with less disdain. 

 

Let me start off by saying that it wasn't  as bad as I thought it was going to be. Sure there were brief moments throughout the day, while I was minding my own business and wallowing in my own exaggerated drama of self pity, when my inner voice would figuratively catch in my throat and a well of tears threatened to spill, but as soon as I took the next breath I was always instantly reminded how fortunate I am in more ways that I can ever explain.  At least I've distracted myself enough to not spend the whole rest of my free time racking myself in a fetal position, crying over things that are too ridiculous and irrational.

Here's the break down of my day:

 

Last night, an hour before midnight, Mother pulled out this big bag of present for me

I-as well as Aso- couldn't figure out what it was since I didn't ask for anything. All mother said was "you lucked out that this year, your Father and I had both acquired stable jobs". I opted to go and prep for bedtime to kill the few minutes left until the clock strikes twelve. I wanted to see my present on the official day. 

 

Side story:  A couple of days ago, she was gushing over this expensive leather jacket that she would like to have. She was very enamored by the tailoring, the quality and the make of it.

 

TADA! I opened my the bag and look what I found!

 

CHOCOLATES!!!!!!! NO WONDER she hadn't wanted to buy me some earlier that evening! 

Oh yeah!... and the leather jacket that she was gushing about. I really appreciated the thought, I DID and DO! but the thing is, I think mother might have been projecting just a little. I'm just going to keep on being a brat and say that as branded as this coat may be--and true, it's probably the most comfy coat I've ever worn-- this does not fit my fashion-challenged liking. Not to mention that it's slightly ill fitted. 

But I love it nonetheless. I'll forever treasure it because I know how much she had wanted to gift this to me. I wouldn't be lying if I say that I was surprised and very grateful. Sure, I may not appreciate the specific choice mother made, but hell if I don't appreciate the thought and effort my mother put into this. I'm happy, and it/she is more than I could ever ask for.   

Though can I just say that my most favourite are the chocolates ?!

 

So I napped for a while since I had to spend most of my evening in the school doing school related stuff. 

I had to wake up early though, because I had a final I had to study for. I was feeling a bit off heading to school, but the thought that I could redeem this...

 

...excited me more than anyone could ever know. Today, really, all I had planned was to redeem all the birthday freebies/discount I can!

 

Starting with Starbucks!

For some reason, as I was getting closer and closer to the till, my heart started pounding a little harder in my ear. You see, I have a fear of people singing to me in public. Good thing none of that happened. Yes, I had fully expected the busy staff of Starbucks to burst into a musical for me. Irrational I tell you.

hehehe, still waiting around for newbie.

 

Then Rocky Mountain Chocolate  

Then Sephora 

According to the e-mail, this isn't what I'm supposed to get. I think the lady behind the counter is trying to tell me something hmmnnn. 

 

This is when I realize that this "free birthday gifts" are very elaborately planned marketing strategies. Though they claim that "no purchase is necessary", I found it hard to go to the counter empty handed. So I was wandering around Sephora, browsing, battling with myself regarding wants vs needs. In the end, I walked away with the most amazing smelling and unnecessary perfume bottle. 

No regrets. 

 

And finally, what I've been anticipating for, for a whole year:

HALF PRICE ON PIERCING!  Even with the "half off" it's still ridiculous how much body modification costs!!

Again. No regrets; pain and price considered, I've fallen in love with my new accessory. 

I regress. When I made my appointment for piercing, I didn't take it into account that it was exam day so we get off early. So basically, I made my appointment in the evening but I was free the entire early afternoon. I killed time by hanging around the school and going to the mall impulsively shopping! I still had about an hour left, so I went ahead and had the infamous Donair! It's good to know that even after not visiting for a while, the owner still new by heart what I like!

 

I kid you not! you don't eat this, you devour it! You basically need a bazillion napkins and a slightly thick skin, because eating Donair in public is not pretty! I was actually a little rusty myself! It take serious skills to master the art of devouring this deliciousness without making a mess! 

PIERCING TIME!

 

This is what signing your life away looks like!

I took the what the lady said as a challenge. As she handed me this form, she told me to "read and sign, even though [she] knows that no one really does" so I did, and what I read moderately terrified me. There was a bit that says that if any misfortune happens to you due to your body mod, be it their fault or not, you can't blame/sue them. 

 

Though I did have an appointment booked, and I was even there half an hour earlier, the peircer decided she was going to attend on someone else. Which was fine with me since I had nowhere to be.I paced, browsed and sat patiently on the wooden bench until it was my turn.

AHHHHH!!!!! ISN'T IT AMAZING?!

I didn't consider anything else as soon as I saw spiral helix photos online. But MAN! DOES IT HURT!!! The particular one I got was a double spiral helix with a 1/4' surgical stainless steel spiral ring. The piercing itself wasn't bad! It actually felt almost like a very odd tickle. However, the prodding, twisting, torquing of the ear to spiral in the rings was a BITCH! Even until now, my ear is smarting from the pain! Nonetheless, I'm still very proud of it!

 

Instead of going home, I spontaneously decided to hop in a bus and head back to school to pick up my backpack that I'd left in my locker. So yes, I'm that allotted looser-no-life who hangs around school on a Friday evening. 

 

in the washroom taking pictures. I'm classy like that. 

 

Finally caught up in the present, when I came home and found the house void of any human resident. It was quite depressing, and yes I did drink that ouzo from the first pic. But this portion of the blog is about silver lining. 

 

At least I have my baby to keep me occupied. Father's coming home in less than 24 hours and spending a week here with us. Aside from moments of sadness, I was at total ease having a date with myself; I had no one I had to wait for, no uncomfortable filler convos, I went wherever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want and best of all, I didn't have to share my loots! . Mother didn't judge me when she found me drinking Ouzo by myself. After I explained that I got sad finding that the house was empty, she called Kuya and told him to bring me home a cake! She also didn't berate me for spending my current saving on what parents find as nonsensical purchase ie: my new perfume and piercing. 

And most important of all, everyone I love and hold dear are well and healthy. Now, with that, how am I supposed to feel void, neglected and unloved? If anything, now I'm tearing up from knowing that God is granting me such huge blessings that I never once deserved. 

 

 

BAM! If that isn't considered "silver lining found" I don't know what is. 

 

PS: Friends, if you happened to stumble along this and my previous blog, I apologize for being irritatingly-slap and vagina kick worthy-dramatic. I promise that this act of conceitedness will only ever be displayed online where you have the choice of ignoring my babbles (will not hold it against you) Anyway, I'm not big on "horoscopes" and all that stuff, but today's just seemed proper. 

 

So there you go.

 

-Elle Are Emm

 

But it always does. 

 

My birthday is always the most depressing day of the year for me. Life has been good lately, but it wasn't always like this was it? I have no idea how to tell my friends to not make a big deal and just leave me alone, I don't want them to think I'm trying to fish for greetings or that I'm overly emotional. JB, please see this on time and let everyone know. Truth be told, I will cry if anyone greets me at all. As if I didn't look stupid enough with a tear in my eye and insistently sniffling away in public this evening. I have been feeling this way since the beginning of November, but I was just able to keep it under wrap. Today though...mere 50mins away, I can really feel the sadness dawning in. 

 

Though I've never felt more blessed in my life that I have now. Father will have the option of coming home on his days off soon, its snowing and I get off early tomorrow. Life is good. I ask for nothing but for the success of my dad in this journey he is on. God has been and is good to me and my family, for his guidance, I offer all that I am. 

 

With that thought in mind, it's rather hard to feel completely sad and empty. 

 

Regardless, I still hope I can spend the night and day curled up in a ball. As it is though, I have a project and an exam to pull an all-nighter for. 

 

--Elle Are Emm

Just had a look at the pictures I had taken this past week. There aren't many. I wish I could say it's due to the fact that I've been super busy living life that I've neglected to take pictures. Truth be told - though common knowledge among my peers- my life just isn't exciting. At all

 

-Monday: Last day of practicum downtown; didn't even got a chance to explore. Will miss super sweet patients
  -->walking and commuting with classmate; managed to keep awkwardness down to a minimum

 -Wednesday: SUPER MEGA busy. Same yet different experience in the MS in reach
 --> PS: being the second to last person in school is creepy 

-Thursday: Finding out that instructors are awkward too made my day better. 

-Friday: Watching the Immortals 2011  has reawakened the mythology geek in me. Makes me re-evaluate my profession

-Saturday: Work day. Paycheck gods probably felt bad for my last, super pathetic check *shrug* way better than nothing though!

 

 

I wish to find peace and happiness within myself. 

 

Ps: Watching youtube "celebrities" makes me feel inadequate. I live vicariously through the interwebs

 

-Elle Are Emm