If only I can.

Okay, let's start from the beginning why don't we? School went on as usual. I only had half a class in the morning but had to wait around school, since today is the day of the dreaded volunteer training. I felt slightly nauseous especially as the time gets nearer and nearer. I think the fact that I keep uttering the words " I can't", "don't want" and "nervous"didn't help one bit.

So there I was, sitting alone feeling very amused at the awkwardness of it all. Got through the longest 3.5 hours of my life feeling very tired, dizzy and hungry. Hey at least I got the Line Greeter position. Actually, I still don't know whether I should be glad or not, I think temporary insanity caused me to send that e-mail today. And there I was thinking that I'm going to go for something that I was with as much self confidence as I can muster, but at the last minute I doubted and bailed on myself. 

Since I had to train it home, I also felt very cold. Of course, my cell would die on me at the most inopportune of times. 

The night before and the morning of, I already made arrangements with my mom to pick me up since I figured that it was going to be a long day. She said yes, and  knowing her I expected her to be late. So there I was, at the bus station. The next bus doesn't come for the next .5hour and I figured that I couldn't wait for it because of what I mentioned above. I was running around looking for an outlet to plug my phone in.There was one...but it wasn't working. Hence, I ran around trying to look for a bus that can get me home ASAP. There was none, seeing as it was getting late. So, in desperation, knowing I had no $ whatsoever, I tried swiping debit cards in the pay phones. Didn't work. Finally found enough change to call, and when I did my douche bag of a younger brother said the parents weren't home,  so he went on to pass the phone to my bigger douche bag of an older brother. That didn't work out very well since he decided that playing his online game is more important than the safety of his younger sister.

Thanks a lot for the concern assholes

I could have honestly been mugged, rapped, stabbed and murdered and he couldn't give two shits about it. He even had the audacity of just leaving me hanging on the other end of the phone. There I was trying not to cause a scene when the bus finally came. When I got home guess what I saw?

That's right THE MOTHER FUCKING VAN  and when I touched the hood it was ICE COLD, meaning no one left within the hour or so that I was trying to get a hold of my unreliable mother.

It is therefore given, when I stormed in the house pissed off. She didn't even realize what she did and started mouthing me for being rude. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! The fact that she doesn't even realize why I'm mad, nor does she try to talk to me properly just goes to shows what type of a mother she is.

I am DONE with unreliable, untrustworthy, non-committed people in my life. Be it friends or family. Why should I keep trusting people who aren't even worth it? It just makes it that much harder when they're supposedly you're family.  But it's all the same to me. Disappointments after disappointments man. It just hurts a lot more when it's family treating you this way.

-Elle Are Emm

Nothing special really happened. Spend the whole day in school although I got out of my morning class early. It's funny, because it is introduction day, but you would think we'd get something done seeing as I just had the exact same instructor for a different class yesterday. I can feel that this is going to be a good semester, I ‘m going to make it a good and productive one. What with that volunteer job I had signed up for. Speaking of, I have my first training tomorrow from 5-11 pm =S. It’s going to be a long day. Good thing I only have Friday afternoon class. Although I still am not certain what position I’m being given. This makes me really anxious.
Bus home today again, I timed it and it took 40mins to get from the Surrey C to home. I DON’T LIKE! Just yesterday I honestly thought I was lost in my own neighbourhood of 7 years just because of the difference in bus route that I now have to get used to. Since I didn’t get a proper sleep the night before, I passed out as soon as I got home. Waited for CB to get out of work so I can give her, her surprise sweater, but she picked me up around 8pm to hang out for a bit anyway. I just basically accompanied CB, Ate LG and Ate Nikki (last name?) To eat then CB came to my house for a few minutes. I pried information about JW out of her, I have obviously, automatically formed my opinions but I am still willing (semi at least) to hear her side of the story. I should get to bed now, hopefully I can still hear my alarm through this earplugs.

-Elle Are Emm

What a day, what a day.  Got an early start to my first day of school, however mommy dear being the accountable person that she is managed to get me on time for my first class, which just so happened to be the clinic orientation day (that's sarcasm btw). I'm pretty psych, finally I'm getting somewhere with this studies. I'm wayyy past due to work in the student clinic anyway. I didn't get the chance to finish the full day of orientation since I had another class in the afternoon which just happened to conflict with orientation day.

Speaking of afternoon classes, do you know whose in that afternoon class with me? That's right, Biker Boy. G'damn BB! g'damn you indeed for looking very yummy in your new glasses. Apparently, he also looks like a super hero in disguise. Hmmnn, he definitely has the face for it and although he has a killer body, it wouldn't hurt to put on 20pounds. HAHAH! WHAT A FLIRT that boy is! you'd think he'd be more behave seeing as he is going out with one of the girls in class! but no! hey I'm not really complaining though! I just get really stomped since I have no idea what the first thing of flirting even consist.

"  Hey, Elle I see you baby"  

OKAY! enough of that.

The rest of the night was pretty relaxing. After my nap with Aso, what supposed to be a quick task of picking up daddy turned out to be a four hour drive here, there and back. But hey whose complaining right? Chores with parents usually gets me free things anyway so CHA CHING!

Hmmnn, on another note, JW called me minutes ago. She wanted to drop by  and have a chat regarding what I said yesterday when they dropped by. I told her that I was mad at her because of her behaviour at what supposedly was her party the other weekend. In any case, although I'm not going to accept any excuses that she makes, I will give her props for wanting to discuss and fix things with me.

On that note, I shall go get ready for bed. I got to arm myself for this week. Busy! busy! busy!

-Elle Are Emm

By far, I think this three weeks break that I just had, may just be the most productive one yet. I don't mean to say that I actually did any reviewing, nor did I went out every day, but I think I've spent it quite well. For some reason, today (yesterday technically) being the last day of my brake, I felt unusually sleepy. So while my mother dropped off two little dears in my bedroom/house to baby sit in the morning, as they play on the computer and watched t.v, I on the other hand, slept on the couch the majority of the time. When it was time for them to go, I accompanied my parents and uncle to the old house. It was a little strange seeing it empty. Mind you, I didn't get all emotional and reminiscent, I actually spent 90% of the time asleep. Maybe it has something to do with already having moved  a week and a half earlier. But man oh man, seven years sure went by like a snap. Imagine, so far, all the memories--both happy and sad, aggressive and passive-- had been experienced there. I actually, really thought that we were never going to move on, not until Kuya and I finally finish anyway. But here we are now, in a new location not very far from the old place. Although I will miss being able to walk everywhere within minutes. Hopefully starting over at a new house would mean we can finally start getting our lives together.

Kuya: Where do you think our home is?...not to the new place, the parents aren't there yet so we aren't complete. It's still just a house.

To end the day, I JW and CB came by in daddy's beamer just to say hi. Funny, I was walking/biking with Aso and I had a slight urge to bike somewhere but there they were. I'm going to go and hit the hay. Will update you later.

Nighty.
-Elle Are Emm   

This actually happened on Sept 4. JW's party was a partly a success, there were actually a lot of people who came. As usual though, she couldn't help herself and she pulled a dramatic scene and left. I think the fact that she wasn't even in her party 90% of the time didn't surprise me. What did, was the attitude she was dishing the whole night as well as leaving her drunk cousin, who we barely new behind. That really pissed me off: unreliable, irresponsible people really piss me off. I didn't really get that much sleep since, regardless of what I said, I ended up having to clean the house by myself.  Luckily AA was kind enough to treat a hobo to breakfast . The only thing I regret is not talking to CM, I was trying to time it right but the opportunity never presented itself. But I'm serious with what I said, in the beginning of the year, I promised to myself that I would only surround myself with people who are good to me. I believe that I am a good friend so it should be obvious that I deserve the same type of treatment and respect. I don't really see the point of keeping around those who are otherwise.

You see even yesterday, as I headed to a family dinner with Daddy and Mommy dear, we had a conversation about CM, it still disappoints me that my family, aside from my mom, is still to this day defending her and standing up for her. Neither my mom or myself are mad at her. For my mom, all she wants to do is for CM to talk to her, however I can't say the same thing for myself.

This is by far the biggest decision I've ever made,  emotionally wise anyway. I honestly don't even have a clue on how to approach the dilemma at hand. But I know that talking to her in person is the right thing to do, I think after all these years, I owe our friendship --and not her--this much. I have been friends with her for a long time, but a girl has got to do what she has to do.  This shall be my parting gift to her, I also think, hope that by doing this, she realizes what she did wrong and change it. But then again, that's for her to decided just like everything else she's done and what she will do in the future.

I'm off to baby sit now. Toodles

-Elle Are Emm

Yesterday was a good day. Woke up from a 4 hour worth of sleep from the cousins yet again pounding on my door. Since I had planned on going to Richmond with MC at 2pm, I decided to go ahead and get ready early. To kill time I headed to the Aquinos' to just have a chat. It was actually still quite a walk especially since it was pretty hot. She decided to come and we eventually left her place at 4pm because AA had chores she needed to do. Anyway, we spent quite a while at Daiso because of me. That store just amuses me so much! I've never felt the urge to buy thing I didn't need than when I am in that store. Picked up a few things for Aso and for my new place, then we walked around Aberdeen to look for a pastry and somewhere to have dinner. We found Saint Germaine which sells super yummy looking sweets. The restaurant right in front of it looked ridiculously fancy that it was intimidating hence we had dinner at this place called Well Tea which MC and AA found in some magazine advertising. Was pretty disappointed with my meal so AA and MC shared their dish with me. Headed back to AA's for some more chatting before I got picked up by Mommy, Kuya and Babsie. Dropped mommy of to the old house then kuya and I dropped off Babsie. Had a good chat with kuya on our way back about the CM situation so I am now just going to let go of that. The night ended with me having a random screaming headache so I fell asleep in the couch and never made it back to my room

Dear CM: You know what, I did have a word or two to say to you. I just figured that I've talked it out enough that it's not even worth mentioning anymore. Just know that I've given up on you and that you have disappointed me and my family gravely.

That was my yesterday, and today I got nothing accomplished. The highlight of today was me going for a random bike trip around the neighbourhood and that's basically it

-Elle Are Emm

New House day: 2 Aug 29

Didn’t get to spend the night at “my” new place since it was still messy, so I shared Ninang’s bedroom for the night. Woke up to the sound of my blaring alarm clock that I effectively ignored. The second time I was awoken was from a banging of the window; Ninong came home and he had no house key. Got a ride to the second and last day of first aid. Very surprised that I was the only one on time. There were 3 other people in class. After a full day of rolling around on the ground class finally ended at 3:30. Of course mommy didn’t come until 4:10pm. Went to Newtown Superstore for some shopping then head home. When we got home, mommy was very insistent that we go in my bedroom/house. Turns out she’d brought me a few home supplies. Basically spent the rest of the evening cleaning the house until reinforcement came (Aka parentals)  to set up my bedroom. I still find it bizarre that mommy is so willing to give me my own place. It still amazes me and excited me to know that I basically have a house to myself and mommy is very supportive of me moving out-ish. She even brought me a couple of things to put in the pantry. Anyway, I’ve convinced them to leave me Aso. He is now beside me. Scratch that, he’s still sniffing around. I don’t think he likes it here very much. The CM situation is still basically the same. It just irks me that she won’t communicate with us properly. But I’ve decided that that shall be her problem.

-Elle Are Emm

Aug 30

Slept at the other house again. Afternoon came and Ninang asked me to go with her and the little ones to enrol in school. Afterwards I spent the day organizing my place and just lounging around. Comes late evening CB, AQ, JW and her cousin came over to check out the new place. Planned JW’s party and from there it somehow got to an intense conversation/intervention with the three of us against JW. No surprise there, for some reason hanging out with her is never easy. She always has drama in tow. Not going to lie, but being around her could be such a damper. This night was very reminiscent to the night at her van when we had “that” intense conversation. Really, it’s because she is so defensive. In my opinion I don’t think she sees things for what they are. She just has a lot of problems she had to deal with which are very evident with her actions and attitude. I’m really concerned about her.  Anyway, since I stayed really late in my place and because I had Aso anyway, I decided to just sleep in my bedroom.

Aug 31

Slept the whole day, only waking up to feed Aso. 97% finished with organizing the bedroom. Another evening, another set of visitors DJ, CM, MC, KP, JB, CB. Beer, pizza, chips and McDee. Perfect way to end the evening I think. Hopefully Saturday’s party will go without a hitch. The only problem I have is the noise level. As it is between everyone who was just here, I think it may be a little too much. I think we’re expecting at least 20 people this weekend. I haven’t even touched my notes. It scares me especially with the impending volunteer I have.  I have Aso again and I’m sleeping at my bedroom tonight. It’s such a change with people here just moments ago to this almost eerie quietness.

Night

-Elle Are Emm

Sept 1

As I don’t have internet access I have been keeping tabs of my days through the help of Microsoft Word.  Today was a relatively early day considering I went to bed at 6 am. What got it started was a very incessant banging of my front door thanks to my baby cousins. I found out that they decided that since the school said baby boy cousin didn’t need to take the English exam that they’re just going to go ahead and not bring him without notifying the exam place. Now, here is when I realized my dormant pet peeve: it is when people don’t communicate with another party before making plans especially when they have made a clear commitment/arrangement beforehand.  So there I go, trying hard not to show my annoyance while I call the exam place for my Aunt. We found out that they wanted baby boy cousin to take the exam, now you see if they had called they would know this, as it is I had to call Uncle to do a 360 and pick up his son. Again with the phone call to notify the place that they will be late, *sigh. After all of this, I was left with the baby girl cousin and a small favour for my Aunt. She asked if I would be willing to go to the kids’ school to bring the proof of address they needed to be enrolled. Of course, I wasn’t very willing but I would have done it, she must have seen the hesitation in my face because she promptly handed me a 20 which of course embarrassed me into going. To be fair I didn’t keep it for myself, after our brief walk to the school with Aso in tow, I walked the two back home by them self then biked to Mac’s to get ice cream and candy. Out of boredom, and remembering how I was when I was a little girl, I applied makeup to the baby girl cousin; of course she was excited but was coy about it.  We both went for a nap, and then another loud banging that I ignored, next time when I opened my eyes she was gone from my side. Figured I should get up and eat dinner. Cleaned the house very sloppily then got a text from CB, but misunderstanding lead me to just stay at home to read and sleep some more. Now that I have woken up from my nap and have internet connection (THANK YOU presumably unsuspecting neighbours) I shall now post this and watch my Asian drama.

­-Elle Are Emm

I guess school is starting. It seems like a recurring pattern, people trying to cram as much chilling out time as they could. Sure sign that summer is ending. I’ve been lacking with daily updates so here’s the past couple of days:

Thursday: Decided to donate blood without making an appointment. And of course we got rejected like the times before. Made an appointment for the next day. Hanged out in CB’s car while trying to find a place to chill. Finally AA agreed to let us crash her place. Gossiped. Chilled. Played with AA’s new-old cigarette stanked SLR. Picked up MF. Got invited to Ate LA’s early b-day celeb for the next day. Home bound at 11 after catching up with Mommy JA

Friday: Donating success—for me anyway—for some reason there’s always something wrong with CB’s blood flow. Went to the Maliksi’s residence after because there was barbeque and because MF needed something from CB. Man, my womanhood has been put to question by how clean their place is and by how neat AM’s bedroom is. Also, finally got to see the infamous Kuya Maliksi. Got to admit, he sure is a looker! There’s something about that family I swear! Off we go again to their the Aquino’s. Unfortunately I’ve been book to do my First Aid CPR for the weekend so I couldn’t stay too long. Which leads us to

today: Barely made it to class on time. Spent 8 summer break hours in class,( which might as well could have been 100 since it’s the summer. ) Talking and trying to resuscitate plastic people. And it just gets better, it’s actually a two day course! UGH! On other news, we finally got to move in the new house. It’s bitter sweet leaving the place we practically grew up in. What made it 234567890098765X better, for me anyway is I get my own place. For some reason mother dear decided to give me the separate house on the other side. Hey, I’m not really complaining though.

So yeah, the plan with CM moving in fell through, no surprise there. But her situation is perfectly understandable.

AHHHH!! I can’t believe I actually get to say “my place” I’m excited even if I don’t have the financial means to actually make this place look like a proper home. I’m tired now and I still have a lot of cleaning to do. Later!

-Elle Are Emm

editt::// There was two parties I was invited to couldn’t attend to either because no one picked me up and I had to clean the new place anyway. Got a phone call from brother dear telling me about a deal CM would honestly be a fool to pass on. So I called CM letting her know. I don’t understand why she won’t go and arrange things with Mother dear. It’s honestly frustrating that my family and I are sticking out our neck this far only to be made into a fool. Why on earth we try to chase her down with this? I have no clue. But she better get her act straight. Anyway it’s its almost 12:30 am and I think I’m done with cleaning even if I barely got anything done. Still got that first aid tomorrow and a whole lot of cleaning to do.

ps: yes, i did walk around naked around the house *sigh* ahhh so liberating I tell you. TMI? Sahhreeeyyy

Hmmnnn, I don't think I've ever done one of this. I just don't have anything I want to do so here's to summer procrastination. I guess I can tell you about what I have been up to the last 24+ hours.

Yesterday was a one of those early-late days. Late because I didn't end up waking until noon but early because, c'mon that's early as I'm going to get on a non-school day. So, I got a couple of text/phone call from people but I'm honestly -as always- to broke to go out. Hence, I just run errands I was supposed to have done anyway. Mailed my student loan form then accompanied the cousins, siblings and Ninang in a drive around the neighbourhood afternoon. Got super P.O because Aso got a little too excited and peed on me. Locked myself in the room to calm down but a few hours later I hear angry screaming downstairs because Aso can not hold his bladder. I honestly feel bad for that dog. I promise to be nicer and more caring towards him and it takes time but I'm progressing.

After I walked him, I just spent the remaining of the evening playing one of those search games. Until I got a phone call from JW asking if I wanted to come over if CB picks me up. This was around 9pm, but remembering last weeks incident I agreed only if I get home by 12am and if there was food involved . Finally got going at 10pm.
Whilst eating brownies, I finally had the nerve to share/bring up that embarrassing night at camp that I can not recall. Now I'm curious as to what really took place. I honestly don't even have the face to joke about it with my fellow campers. That's how embarrass I am. Just the other day -Tuesday, same day as interview 2.0- when I was treated out to the movies by MC  and Ate LG, and the whole camping gang showed up from nowhere I could honestly hardly look anyone in the eye. Especially Kuya Shawn. UGHHH! I think what's worst is I'm an obsessive person and I would get hot flashes of those black outs every half hour!!! I can't wait for the day when I can find this amusing and brush it off as another life experience.

Anyway, I should really get on with other things now. Now I have a choice between napping or getting ready early. Finally going to attempt to donate blood. Hopefully the clinic isn't as book as the last time.

Later
-Elle Are Emm

Yesterday was a good day. Started out with a half hour morning jog around the neighbourhood with Aso and the Ninang. Hopefully I can keep up with this fitness since I'm out of shape. Nap for a bit, got ready for the interview then went to the library with the little cousins. Was finally able to get going at around 1:45pm. Bus was late; no surprise there. When I finally got to Main I had to run around for a while before I found the right direction to the interview place *phewwW* I was getting increasingly concerned knowing that I'm very bad with directions especially on foot. I finally arrived at a half finished building and proceeded to head up the building via an elevator. Comes my floor and I was taken aback since it was all concrete and very isolated, it gave me that creepy feeling as if I was in a horror  movie. Hence, I missed my floor and had to go ride the elevator down then back up again (what's with me and elevators?) Once I got up my floor, there was nothing but an empty narrow hallway with a phone on a wall at the end of it, went ahead and picked it up. A lady answered at the other end of a line to inform me that she'll be out in a second. The whole thing felt like some sort of shaddy deal really. The lady then accompanied me in another half finished isolated meeting room. My heart started pounding once again as the need for a meeting room for this particular interview made me nervous. 10 mins passed by and finally Mr. Interviewer entered the room. I think I did fairly well on this interview especially since I already had the advantage of the first interview at hand. However, I really  don't know what I got myself into. As it turns out this interview is for the position I originally wanted, but now I realize that I may have bitten more than I can chew. As it is I have to review everything that I supposedly learned, and yet I get the feeling that still wouldn't be enough. I suppose this would be good for me, I really should have more confidence in myself. But at the same time, I can't help but wish that they have the good sense to not let a mere student handle such a big responsibility. *Sigh* Off to studying on a hot summers day now

-Elle Are Emm