July 26, 2011

  • That time of the semester...again

    Before I get to the heavy ranting stuff, I'd like to take a moment and recall the past few days:

    Friday last week was busy and tiring, I ended up covering a double shift for my practicuum and though I have never seen that many patients before (7 successive ones) I wasn't as exhausted as I thought I would be. That is after I went to bed and had a massive leg calf cramp.

    Saturday we saw Daddy off to the airport to leave for Calgary. Now, I have been afraid to even breathe about this as I firmly believe that I am a jinx. Even now that he has made it safely there, I still have my fear and uncertainties. Regardless, I'm just happy that now he has renewed hopes, we have renewed hopes. It's just strange not having him around this time, I honestly don't remember feeling this odd longing for my father the last time he left. Daddy, take care, good luck and know that we love you.

     

    Now on to the ranting...

     

    I fucked up again.  I have a very strong feeling that I was not successful in one of my classes that I took the finals for yesterday. It scares me and though I try not to stress out, there has been plenty of moments since yesterday that ceases my breath and fills me with this horrible, paralyzing dread. Like now. No, I did not try my very best so yes,  I deserve what's coming. It still doesn't stop making me wish that I feel anything but this destructive nervousness. I feel like I'm going to faint and throw up simultaneously. I just want to curl up in an obscure dark corner, cover my ears and  close my eyes until this is all over. But, I'm a big girl   and like it or not, there's a cacophony of music to face, it's not melodic but it still has to be faced.

     

    -Elle Are Emm