October 20, 2011

  • Bare your soul

    Chuck it up to procrastination, but as I was browsing random Xangas, I realized that lately, I've just been blogging about inconsequential, minute, day-to-day details of my life, as opposed to before when all my blogs where filled with incoherent strings of words that portray my emotions at the moment. Ironically, I decided to include pictures to my blogs because looking back, I realize that nothing of what I'd posted made sense, that all of these things that occur in my life just passes by without any recognition from me. I just thought that one day, when I start to become senile, I can look back at these pictures and remember the moment, thoughts and emotions that went with each still photographs. I think once in a while though, it would be okay to have boring, wordy blogs that makes no sense to anyone but me. 

    Sometimes I feel crazy addressing and explaining all this, seeing as this blog is not even open to public. Every once in a while, I feel the sudden, compulsive urge to let everyone in my private thoughts, that it's okay to share to the world with half of my animosity still intact. And then another, stronger urge takes over; the part of me afraid of rejection, that what I do or say is not worthy or interesting enough. Or that somehow, I would say something so self destructive that it will come and backfire in the future. Hence oftentimes, I would screen my posts or private them. But I think I've been around in this blog long enough to start giving a crap now.   

    To be honest though, the contents of my blog lately --or ever since-- has been/is uninteresting simply because I'm not interesting. There are days when I crave for the excitement I see, read, or watch in t.v. That nagging, persistent feeling of "missing out" is still present -albeit it is ebbing-....

     

    That I am not living life but simply cruising through.

     

    I don't really know where I'm going with this...Like I said, I just had the urge to let my thoughts flow like before.

     

    Just know that I have never been in a better place in my life than where I am now. I am not claiming I deserve any of the fortune that is being bestowed to me and my family, but this past couple of months has been good to everyone. Looking back to where I was when I first started in '05 and onward, maturity has finally made itself clear, not only to me but to this household in general. It's finally a home, to come back to, though incomplete with Father not around for work purposes. I can make no grounds for any complaints. Like LG says: Life's Good. And like I say: Indeed it is. 

     

     

    -Elle Are Emm