September 21, 2010

  • Cutting my loses

    My days have been partly repetitive, as expected from having school in session yet again. Other than spending the whole of Sunday afternoon with mommy buying room stuff (ie: desk, shoe rack etc) and going out with CB on Monday evening to supposedly view the BW exhibit, only to find out that it was actually ONLY for volunteers that day, then deciding to just go for ice cream, nothing significant has happened as of late.

    But for some reason I feel compelled to talk about an event that DID occur and is still taking place. Which is only on my mind because I found a letter I wrote for my Sr year year book that I didn't get a chance to give to two of my friends, which lead me to find the whole lot of file and re-read them all.

    I don't want to talk about it anymore since I've already said my peace. And quite frankly, although it is still in the back of my mind, I am just too busy with other things to really care about this other matter at hand. Yes, you've guessed it, it's about the whole deal with CM. Before I get started, I just want to state that I really feel absolutely NOTHING over this matter. I don't feel upset, angry or whatever else towards her. I have gotten over all the emotions after I've told the 3rd or so person about it. I did plan on talking to her just to be fair, but the right time or opportunity never presented itself seeing as I have only seen her since the "incident" twice. Both at parties nonetheless.

    Apparently, she has now realized my lack of response and just the over all absence of my constant text messages, that she has taken it upon herself to ask a couple of people about it. She is speculating that I have ill feelings towards her, and I'm pretty sure that her, being her has no clue of what she's done. The damage is permanent, but instead of burning our ties (which is impractical and ineffective seeing as we share the same crowd) I've decided to cut my loss instead. Meaning my disinterest with regards to our friendship has led me to act civil towards her instead. She's there when she's there. No more no less.

    Now, if only I can let her know. To be honest, I don't even think I can tell her how I FELT with the same passion as if it were when the damage was fresh. Like I said, I feel nothing and that's that. I should have figured that this will catch up to me sooner or later though. Just yesterday, CB texted me about CM's inquiries. In the same afternoon her name came up when mother dear and I was talking. AND in the SAME evening, while shopping, I saw a mutual friend of ours and he promptly ask if I was with her seeing as she was supposedly present in the same area. "Oh shit!" moment indeed, just as I was almost leaving she miraculously found me amongst the throng of impatient crowd. She mentioned that I haven't been replying to which I said I was out and busy the whole day, which was true.

    Ugh I want to sleep, the afternoon of assembling furniture and the fail attempt to view BW has left me exhausted.

    -Elle Are Emm